I Spent a Whopping $8.53

When I walk into the Vitamin Shoppe, they don't even bother with their sales shpeel. I'm sure they know why I'm there: to pilfer the two clearance tables. For me, vitamins are a luxury item. If they're not in my food, I'm sure as hell not going to pay $23.50 at Ellwoods or $17.40 at Vitamin Shoppe for a bottle of 60 pills that I'm supposed to take three times daily. Hence my hobby of popping discount supplements.

The system at Vitamin Shoppe is pretty clear. As the expiration date on an item is approaching, the discount goes up from 25% to 50% to 75%. But there is a last stop for products that aren't likely to generate enough profit to help pay the rent: the $0.50 tag. I have a really tough time passing up anything at that price.

Today, the clearance bins were mostly filled with organic teas, all marked 25%. There were also big jugs of whey protein, a product that I have endorsed for it's weight-loss potential. But the discount didn't grab me. Usually, I only buy 75% off stuff. Today, there wasn't much along those lines. But there were a whole buncha fifty cent products.

Here's the highlights:

• Organic Flax Sprouts (ground) - over 2300mg of Omega-3's per serving.
• TwinLab Amino Fuel 1000 - this looks like some kind of technically legal steroid stuff for muscle heads at the gym. Better eat salads if I take this stuff (BEEFCAKE!!)
• Beta-Carotene (Solgar brand) - cuz I'm not eating enough carrots?
• Calcium-Magnesium 1:1 (Solgar brand) - since I don't drink milk and magnesium is supposed to prevent migraines.
• Orchard Fruits Super Antioxidant - each capsule contains 3000 phytonutrients taken from 12 whole fruits (are those nutrients with a warrior spirit?).
• Omega-3 Basic Superfood Supplement powder - every tablespoon is like the entire produce section of Whole Foods ground up really fine.

Each of these was only fifty cents. I felt so predictable going up to the register with my rock bottom price booty. "Not everything I got was 50 cents," I said as I placed another bottle of pills on the counter. "I don't want yall to think I'm cheap." This last one was 75% off, but still cost more than the others combined.

• Naturol "My Defense" Immune Support - Featuring 500mg of "larch tree extract" aka Arabinogalactan, which apparently merits a high price tag.

By the way, if any of my friends out there would like to take Jasper for a walk in his stroller (with musical accompaniment), I will make you a healthy smoothy to take with you. Karen and I are often pining for breaks in the parenthood routine, and we'll take them whenever we can get them.